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DOM moves into low-cost airlines

Started by Joe Jones, September 24, 2015, 12:58:37 PM

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J

Joe Jones

Hello loyal followers!We at the DOM are introducing a low cost airline services for you, the general public (it\'s also funded by you, but the profits go to us)!DOM Airlines will be running a highly unsatisfactory service, with flights usually being cancelled due to lack of pilots/planes. Our safety record is second to none, with an impressive 5% of our aircraft going on to reach their destination with minimal casualties!We have three classes:1st Class: This is luxury, for the high flyers only. In first class you get a seat, which consists of a large wooden box saying \"dangerous explosives\" or \"live munitions\". Upgrade and get a window seat next to a small Perspex window that is held in with chewing gum and may or may not fall out at 30,000 feet. You also get a meal, made up of army rations from 1956 that have been exposed to nuclear testing. Toilet facilities included (a bucket).2nd Class: Seats on 2nd class are limited and aren\'t as comfy as 1st class. If you get a seat, you\'ll be sat on a large metal drum saying \"hazardous nuclear waste\" or \"warning biological weaponry\". In 2nd class you don\'t get a window seat, meal or toilet facilities. Furthermore, expect to be crammed in with 4,000 other people all sitting on the floor.3rd Class: In 3rd class you\'re not in the plane at all. You get the thrill of hanging onto a piece of rope attached to the wings like a Russian paratrooper. If you bring your own parachute, it\'s sometimes the safest place to be.Prices start at £30 for 1st Class, £15 for 2nd Class and £10 for 3rd Class. How do we keep our prices so low? Well, we agree to ship dodgy or hazardous goods to shifty African dictators, terrorist factions and others who pay us the right price!We have the best untrained pilots that money can buy. Our fleet of pilots consists of people we rounded up at a bus station and homeless that we pay in intoxicants, most of which they use while flying.So why not fly DOM Airlines today? Remember – at DOM Airlines, your safety is none of our concern.(Warning: DOM Airlines has a 95% unsuccessful flight record. We will ask all passengers to sign a disclaimer saying they will not sue in the event of their survival. We advise passengers to make out a will before flying with DOM Airlines. DOM Airlines only flies to remote, diplomatically unrecognised African territories, Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, remote islands in the Pacific Ocean, North Korea and East Midlands Airport. DOM Airlines holds the right to redirect the destination of its aircraft without prior notice to passengers. Upon arrival passengers may be sold into slavery and personal belongings not returned.)

avatar_Chris

Chris

You\'ve lost me with this mate, though it reminds me of a comedy sketch whereby it made passengers lives a nightmare - I can\'t remember if it was Harry Enfield or not.

Can\'t say I find this amusing either, yet don\'t delete it or anything.

Just not my sense of humour at all.

avatar_SpaceMonkey

SpaceMonkey

I thought this was very funny.  I was trying to think of a medium for it and I think it would be an awesome Saturday Night Live Commercial. It is very well written   I especially enjoyed the fine print.

J

Joe Jones

Haha cheers chaps.  Yeah basically it\'s a satire of low-cost company airlines, which promise so much but deliver so little.

J

Joe Jones

And JM, we all know you have no sense of humour so...  

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liam

Its well written to the usual high standards jj.