Everyday, the poet leaves me a little more.
I try to wrap my legs around her
but she gives me the cold shoulder.
So everyday, I become less poet and
more woman. Everyday I shrink more.

a mushroom cooking in a pan I am.
This country is doing what everyone says it does.
I am trying not to care.
but it seems I don\"t try enough.
So I pop a pill to make up
for my lack of effort. If i take one,
before the other one wears off-
its gives the pain no chance to come forth.
to claim my attention. 

I am sitting next to a sleepy men in a train.
He is white with age but i
swear i can\'t even tell which
one of us has been on earth longer.

I have to be honest, I don\'t feel qualified enough to suggest how you can edit/improve this.Though, there are people with safer hands within our site who can provide you with that advice and help required to take this to the next level.For myself, I like the start and can\'t really see how you can tweak that.

a mushroom cooking in a pan, I am.
This country is doing what everyone says it does.
I am trying not to care,
but it seems I don\'t try enough.
So I pop a pill to make up,
for my lack of effort. If i take one,
before the other one wears off-
its gives the pain no chance to come forth.
to claim my attention. 

I am sitting next to a sleepy men in a train.     -   (man on a train)
He is white with age but i
swear i can\'t even tell which
one of us has been on earth longer.[/quote]Just a few things I noticed, which I have bolded to highlight - I\'m not trying to join the grammar police BTW.

The poem for me does read well, it highlights the day to day struggle of life and grinding it out when you are unhappy. I genuinely like it and I wished I could make suggestions, as I would like to help but I\'ll leave that for the more talented members to do.

Thanks for sharing! Keep \'em coming!!

At first glance, this is very good. A powerful glimpse inside a conflicted soul. There are some minor things that are distracting and I will come back to this in a bit... every time I read this (any poem, really) I get something a little different out of it

Quote from: Call me Cordelia\" data-ipsquote-contenttype=\"forums\" data-ipsquote-contentclass=\"forums_Topic\" data-ipsquote-contentid=\"120\" data-ipsquote-contentcommentid=\"740 date=1443973373 

Well firstly I do like this piece. It has a certain sadness that resonates through and could be universally applied.I agree with Cordellia that parts are a little distracting so I would suggest shaking up the layout on the page and adding some purposefull punctuation. Just as an illustration I have re-worked the last part to show what I mean.I am sitting next to a sleepy man on a train.He is white, with age.but I swear, I can\'t even tell,which one of ushas been on Earthlonger

/profile/8-goddessglamourpuss/\" data-ipshover=\"\" data-ipshover-target=\"http://poetryartonline.com/profile/8-goddessglamourpuss/?do=hovercard\" data-mentionid=\"8\">@GoddessGlamourPuss\'s suggestion does come across as solid advice.

The poem reads like something everyone would be able to relate to, which i like.

I agree with what GGP said.  The poem is really strong, the last stanza is solid gold.  I think there are some unnecessary words hiding in there that you may be able to snip out.  I also agree that playing with the arrangement could potentially make it more powerful.There is a checklist online I have been using for awhile, it\'s basically just 25 questions you can ask yourself while editing a poem to help improve it or take it where it needs to go.  I found this a really helpful tool when developing an editing style and I think it could help you out with this and other poems that you have.http://magmapoetry.com/25-rules-for-editing-poems/\">25 Rules For Editing Poems Regardless, I am glad you posted this and I hope you most more in the future.  Welcome to PAO!!