\"I Am\"
I dread the moment where I forget,
all the days that passed me behind.
And how I try to stumble,
through cohesion, I try.
Darkened mist blackens my mind,
and how I try, through emerald skies.
I close eyes shut & long for you,
It's too hard to dwell, I adjure.
I wish I could explain myself,
though I can't no more.
My memories escape,
It's who I am.
I accept my fate, I try,
I am.
I think this is something Joey, especially the ending.
It tells a story of someone thinking they are abit lost in life.Its good.
I feel like this poem ends on a positive note which makes me enjoy it more. Kind of like the idea that even when bad stuff happens, there\'s always a silver lining.
Thanks for the responses, it\'s good to be writing more.
Appreciate the support greatly.
Hi Joey This is spot on!..awesome write. Short, filled with detail-to the point- and so expressive- really good!..thanks for sharing!..regards Mike
I really like this; really, really like this!First, it made me look up \"adjure\" and second, the emotions evoked by the words are powerful, and third, I really liked the shape of the poem.The only thing that slowed my roll was:
I wish I could explain myself,
though I can't no more.[/quote]I think it might be stronger if you kept the grammatical formality as the rest of the poem:I wish I could explain myself,
but I can\'t anymore (or \"but I cannot anymore\" or \"but I just can\'t anymore\")[/quote]
wow bud.. that\'s pretty personal I feel... great stuff...and very rich in emotion
Well done. I think this is my favorite poem of your\'s so far. I really really love this. It\'s very eloquent and soft spoken to me, yet carries a powerful idea. pleasekeepwriting