It\'s better with distance.
When I am running, I am alive.
Although i fight with change,
I am a child of it.
Struggling with it.
Wrenching free of my parentage.i have emancipated myself from my differences,
yet I am different.
In increments, my astonishment grows,
with meter and form.
Indeed within this stanza, I am alive.
I have been growing for ages,
unable to be contained.Within the walls of Verse,
words scream to be dismembered.
All the ones who came before me, my elders,
beg to be recognized and not forgotten.
They beg in vain, for i can not recall
a time when they could make me tremble
the way this does.
They have stolen the very words from my breath
and have left me to drown in all the rest.
A Typo spotted!!! 4th line up from the bottom says \"a time when the could make me tremble\" should say \"a time when they could make me tremble.It won\'t let me edit it now though grrrr lol
I\'ve edited it for you @SpaceMonkeyIts a nice poem, that flows quite well. The occasional repetitive use of a few words makes it flow better.
I\'d say it gets better as you read!
On a seriously note, the ending wasn\'t what I expected and it finalizes the piece quite nicely. The repeating of \"I am alive\", is distinctive and I found myself trying to read/say it when it wasn\'t actually there. That\'s one sign of a powerful contribution, a poem I find very well created and word for word flows very nicely.
Keep \'em coming!
I can\'t say that I paid a lot of attention to form or other more technical aspects because the concept/message behind this was very captivating to me and nothing else mattered! I guess what I\'m trying to say is that I really love this poem
Nice poem, I like it myself. I think this part below leads up to the ending well.
All the ones who came before me, my elders,
beg to be recognized and not forgotten.
They beg in vain, for i can not recall
a time when they could make me tremble
the way this does.[/quote]
I likes it heaps.
There are a couple of lower case \"i\"s that should have been \"I\"s if you want typos sorted...and unless it\'s an americanism I\'m not aware of, \"cannot\" is one word, not two.
The lines Liam quoted are great and I love the first stanza as well:
Although i fight with change,
I am a child of it.
Struggling with it.
Wrenching free of my parentage.
Your word choices throughout the poem are strong, and really serve to accentuate the meaning of the poem. I find your use of the word \"wrenching\" particularly effective in this stanza.
Another great piece!
this is wonderful.. and expressive