TAKE IT ON THE WINGgulls who will fly in full circle-stealthy overhead-they-in their frantic pursuitsearch-for-that-purlescent flesh- of a coveted shell fish-laid bare-abandonedalong the beach using persistence-within a razored beak-one who-spills overin the flesh- taken out -leaving the rest- to caw mockingly-restless-with their insultcoming in free flow-an echoed shrill-like or not -comes fallout-will it continue-have onewho stuns daring-ly-make others flee- break free-empty handed-birds please take noteor be kept at bay-in their futile attempt-they try or not-so keep up maybe fail- once twicenor wrest it away- from the intruder who amongst them-is letting storm clouds stalkgathered up-to circle above-ready to dive -n-dart-lose touch-in their confusion is this an afront-which comes through-or wishful thinking-take it on the wing- or be singled outleave it all to temper-in their argument-pitch it-a fevered-fervor-be blinded by-frenzied scenarios over some which surely who continue on-till their lapsed hunger oer will it be prolonged -overcome- seen too late- nor can it wait- on an empty stomach-if once morewith another try-delayed-can\'t stay-a wakeup call- for the weak-n-wearied-they who still continue on-undetered in this food fight-unfairly kept by- a miscellaneous-scattering offlocks-left in frustration let them break air-take it on the wing-to simply find some foodby Michael Perry
This reads like a story in poetic form to me.
It comes across well, certainly interesting. I\'m slightly curious about the structure - I\'ll probably sound ignorant perhaps, though I\'m wondering if this is a certain style?
I like the ending the most, nice Mike.
Keep \'em coming!
It looks a little different to usual poems, but reads like one.It flows from line to line well.
very interesting michael.. quite a deep glimpse too...different.. I enjoyed the ride and wording..
Different is good, its nice to see different styles and patterns. I like this!
Quite interesting. To me the form itsself implies a feeding frenzy. Nicely done.
Quote from: joey_matthews date=1443744161\" data-ipsquote=\"This reads like a story in poetic form to me.
It comes across well, certainly interesting. I\'m slightly curious about the structure - I\'ll probably sound ignorant perhaps, though I\'m wondering if this is a certain style?
I like the ending the most, nice Mike.
Keep \'em coming!
Hi Joey Thanks for commenting- I really appreciate it!..it\'s not any particular style- though thanks for appreciating it for what it is- For each piece that I write for- I try to convey a mood- a feeling- or an interpretation of a point I am trying to make- in that end- I was trying to convey what it\'s like for a seagull- or flock of them- in this write- and what it must feel like to compete for a single morsel of food- thanks for getting it. regards Mike
Quote from: cheeky~k8 date=1443783066\" data-ipsquote=\"It looks a little different to usual poems, but reads like one.It flows from line to line well.
Hi Cheeky Thanks for commenting- I write in different styles, structures, interpretations- when I pick a subject- I write about it- and that\'s how it comes out-thanks for getting it!..regards Mike
Quote from: stewart alexander date=1443788653\" data-ipsquote=\"very interesting michael.. quite a deep glimpse too...different.. I enjoyed the ride and wording..
Hi Stewart Thanks so much for commenting, I really do appreciate it! regards Mike
Quote from: liam date=1443803525\" data-ipsquote=\"Different is good, its nice to see different styles and patterns. I like this!
Hi Liam Thank you- I agree different is good!...the same would be boring!...regards Mike
Quote from: mperry\" data-ipsquote-contenttype=\"forums\" data-ipsquote-contentclass=\"forums_Topic\" data-ipsquote-contentid=\"102\" data-ipsquote-contentcommentid=\"755 date=1443981954Hi Joey Thanks for commenting- I really appreciate it!..it\'s not any particular style- though thanks for appreciating it for what it is- For each piece that I write for- I try to convey a mood- a feeling- or an interpretation of a point I am trying to make- in that end- I was trying to convey what it\'s like for a seagull- or flock of them- in this write- and what it must feel like to compete for a single morsel of food- thanks for getting it. regards Mike
You did a great job portraying that Mike, really, you captured it within words very nicely.
Thank you for sharing the above, it\'s nice to see the insight behind the piece.
Quote from: HomesickAlienPoet date=1443820172\" data-ipsquote=\"Quite interesting. To me the form itsself implies a feeding frenzy. Nicely done.
Hi Homesick Alien Poet- my words- in their form and structure -compared to a feeding frenzy- That\'s an awesome comment- thank you!...regards Mike
I apologize for not commenting on this sooner. I have read this poem about 10-15 times. This most recent time, I was reading it out loud and was yelling so loud by the end that my wife ran out to the garage to see what was wrong. This poem is mad genius, both in form and execution. I don\'t know if professional publishers would \"get it\", but I certainly do. This is very powerful as a spoken word piece and I would be in awe of it if I had heard it at a poetry slam.Since you have a lot of word play in this piece a suggested tweak I thought of near the end of the poem the section reads:\"undetered in this food fight\"I thought a cool twist would be for it to read:\"undeterred in this food flight\" Also I fixed the spelling of undeterred for you.Thanks man for sharing this with us, I am an instant fan of your work and process
Hi SpaceMonkey Thank you for the really great comments- I know my writing in form and in structure can take a bit of getting used to- ( I have been told this many times before) but it is the most comfortable writing style for me- I also like writing subjectively- and do try and restrain myself and conform from time to time- but I am really glad you get me- also very glad I was pointed to this website and to all my new found writing friends!...I really do appreciate it a lot- also I gotta say I got a chuckle about you reading aloud what I wrote and your wife came running out to see what was up- that\'s great, thanks for sharing that story!. Regards Mike
[quote author=joey_matthews\" data-ipsquote-contenttype=\"forums\" data-ipsquote-contentclass=\"forums_Topic\" data-ipsquote-contentid=\"102\" data-ipsquote-contentcommentid=\"760\" data-cite=\"joey_matthews date=1443982529]You did a great job portraying that Mike, really, you captured it within words very nicely.
Thank you for sharing the above, it\'s nice to see the insight behind the piece.[/quote]Hi Joey, Thank you!..and I am really enjoying posting on this website- some really great people you have here!!..regards Mike