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The Cabin => Poetry => Topic started by: stewart alexander on

Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: stewart alexander on

Dark Passenger

All Words By : Stewart Alexander
ò Copyrighted 2014

 

 

Carving thoughts follow my steps throughout

Catharsis brought forth by blades

Stop the bleeding right before I die

Wrap me up in silk till it fades

 

Lime bleeds parole if I am to feed cells

Horse-grounds forgive my intrusion

Miltonia arches rise in adorning home

While rose-plaid creates the illusion

 

Encrypted residue on the wake of the land

Pension their shine

Silent parades the sulphur of my return

Lips and numb vision eclipses the pine 

Teeth seldom lay in thought they just ache

I am in love

Weakened roses gnaw at my fingers

Enlightened skills loom over my glove

 

Rusty knights ripen my curses fold

Tis but a dark fiend that feels my soul

Red parallel and flight benign

In the toned sea alight by coal

 

As chronology shades in escapades

Lust continues to ripple through

I will live till the crush of the moment

In all I see want and do 

Resting underneath a bridge stoned in

Photographs from my youth

I entered this world splintered with life

To seek love arts sex the truth

 

 

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Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: Chris on
Good use of your imagination and creative words, artistically arranged and structured very well. I really enjoyed this mate!

Keep \'em coming! 
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: HomesickAlienPoet on
This is epic.  Love your word choice and the extensive vocabulary that informs it.  
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: Call me Cordelia on
Always a fan  Man, I\'ve missed your poetry!
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: stewart alexander on
Thanks Joey  and a thankyou kiss for your kind words xxxx
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: SpaceMonkey on
Until the last couple of lines I was convinced this was a poem about Dexter or inspired by Dexter.  Now I am not so sure.  I do enjoy thw word choices you used, you have a good feel for language and the way it rolls off of tounges.   With an eye towards editing I would also like to say that the meter is a little rough in a few places, I stumbled a few times reading it.  I think this a good poem with a more than exceptional poem hiding in it somewhere and I would urge you to take the time to find it,  I can tell this is a poem written by a songwriter(by no means a bad thing).  When I made the transition from songs and poetry to just poetry one of the things I had to learn was that spoken word has a different cadence to speech than singing does.  Some things you can do in songs to cheat meter(carrying notes to fill up a measure) you can\'t really do with the written word.  If you were to edit this, I would suggest for you to pay attention to the syllable count in each line and trim it in a few places, or add some words. This was my favorite part:  

\"Rusty knights ripen my curses fold 

Tis but a dark fiend that feels my soul 

Red parallel and flight benign 

In the toned sea alight by coal 

  

As chronology shades in escapades 

Lust continues to ripple through\"

 Thank you for sharing this, I am slowly becoming a big fan of your work and I look forward to seeing more of it. 

Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: liam on

Tis but a dark fiend that feels my soul

Red parallel and flight benign

In the toned sea alight by coal[/quote]This is brilliance at its best, very good poem!

Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: cheeky~k8 on
Great poem. Its got alot of interesting parts in and it all reads very well.
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: stewart alexander on
thanks spacemonkey.. I will keep an eye on my count.. I know it\'s not perfect.. 
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: SpaceMonkey on
[quote author=stewart alexander\" data-ipsquote-contenttype=\"forums\" data-ipsquote-contentclass=\"forums_Topic\" data-ipsquote-contentid=\"105\" data-ipsquote-contentcommentid=\"735\">thanks spacemonkey.. I will keep an eye on my count.. I know it\'s not perfect..      glad you enjoyed it though and I appreciate the advice.. from songwriter to poetor from poet to songwriter...  takes a little work  \";)\"/emoticons/wink.png date=1443960396][/quote]Don\'t stop with it, you have a pretty original style and you have a great mind for the written word.  We all need help with revising, an objective view.
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: FrostyKitten on
As always this is an awesome blend of words, rhymes, imagery... I feel like there\'s so many meanings in this one poem and that\'s awesome!Thanks for sharing  
Title: Dark Passenger
Post by: stewart alexander on
thanks frosty  
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